Husbands & Wives - Let's get the year started with a chuckle! And with this,
I wish you all a Happy, Healthy, Peaceful and Prosperous New Year... He laughed and laughed and laughed!
April and I were lying in bed the other day. My hands were slowly finding their way across her body. I whispered, "I'm gonna make you the happiest woman in the world." She whispered back, "I'll miss you."
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.
“Harry,” whined Mary, to her husband of 20 years. “What should I do?! I’m not ready for old age! I’m only 40 years old but I look and feel like I’m over 55! My face is all wrinkly, my back is bent over, and my hair is all thinned out.”
“Well,” said Harry after looking her up and down, “There is one thing about you that still works as good as new.”
“Oh Harry!” said Mary sitting down next to her husband, “you always know just what to say! What are you referring to?”
“Never mind” said Harry looking down.
“C’mon Harry, please tell me what you were referring to.”
“Mary, please don’t make me.”
“Harry I insist.”
“Well I was going to remark about how your eyesight seems to be working just fine!”
A lady was walking down the street when she was a approached by a lady beggar asking for money. The lady took a $20 bill out of her purse, and asked “if I give you this money will you spend it on chocolate.”
“Don’t be ridiculous” the beggar replied “does it look like I have nothing better to spend money on?”
“How about shopping?” she asked.
“No,” the beggar said, “don’t you understand I need money just to stay alive.”
“Will you spend it on your hair?” the lady asked.
Annoyed the beggar replied, “No, I just need money for food, and shelter.
“In that case” the lady said “I don’t want to just give you money, I would like you to eat out with me and my husband tonight.”
“Why?” The beggar asked.
“Well”, the lady said “I think it’s important for him to see what a lady looks like after she gives up chocolate, shopping, and hair appointments.”
Harry had been feeling sick lately and was finally convinced to see the Doctor after his wife Suzy’s urging. After a thorough examination, and much thought, the Doctor was ready to tell Harry and a very worried Suzy, his prognosis.
Harry was too stressed out. He would need 6 months of pure relaxation.
Suzy, very agitated, took out her notepad to begin writing down his list of orders for these months of relaxation.
“How should I go about it?” asked Harry.
“OK” said the doctor “I would like your wife to take one tranquilizer four times a day…”