One Political Plaza - Home of politics
Home Active Topics Newest Pictures Search Login Register
General Chit-Chat (non-political talk)
The Jewish Elbow, The Italian Grandfather & The Irish Blond
Mar 7, 2018 14:12:03   #
eagleye13 Loc: Fl
 
The Jewish Elbow, The Italian Grandfather & The Irish Blond

1. The Jewish ELBOW

A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is

coming to visit with his wife.

"You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301 . There

is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will

buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with

your elbow, push 3. When you get out, I'm on the left.. With your elbow, hit

my doorbell."


"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my

elbow? ..........

"What . . . .. .. You're coming empty handed?"

______________________________ _________________

2. Wise Italian Grandfather


Why Italian Fathers and Grandfathers pass their handguns down through the

family.


An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, Guido, I

wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated ..38 revolver so

you will always remember me."


"But grandpa, I really don't like guns.. How about you leave me your Rolex

watch instead?"


"You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna

have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of

bambinos. "


"Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with

another man.

"Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, 'times up' "?

______________________________ ______________________________ _____________

3. Irish Blonde...


An attractive blonde from Cork , Ireland , arrived

at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty

thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice.


She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much

luckier when I'm completely nude." with that, she stripped from the neck

down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama

needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down

and squealed. "Yes! Yes! I won, I won!" She hugged each of the dealers,

picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I

don't know - I thought you were watching."


MORAL OF THE STORY

Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb,

..... but all men...are men!

______________________________ ______________________________ _____________

Global Facts About Sex


At any given moment:


FACT: 79,000,000 people are having sex - right now.

FACT: 58,000,000 are kissing.

FACT: 37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex.

FACT: 1 old person is reading emails.



You hang in there, sunshine!

Reply
Mar 7, 2018 14:43:06   #
PoppaGringo Loc: Muslim City, Mexifornia, B.R.
 
eagleye13 wrote:
The Jewish Elbow, The Italian Grandfather & The Irish Blond

1. The Jewish ELBOW

A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is

coming to visit with his wife.

"You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301 . There

is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will

buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with

your elbow, push 3. When you get out, I'm on the left.. With your elbow, hit

my doorbell."


"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my

elbow? ..........

"What . . . .. .. You're coming empty handed?"

______________________________ _________________

2. Wise Italian Grandfather


Why Italian Fathers and Grandfathers pass their handguns down through the

family.


An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, Guido, I

wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated ..38 revolver so

you will always remember me."


"But grandpa, I really don't like guns.. How about you leave me your Rolex

watch instead?"


"You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna

have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of

bambinos. "


"Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with

another man.

"Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, 'times up' "?

______________________________ ______________________________ _____________

3. Irish Blonde...


An attractive blonde from Cork , Ireland , arrived

at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty

thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice.


She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much

luckier when I'm completely nude." with that, she stripped from the neck

down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama

needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down

and squealed. "Yes! Yes! I won, I won!" She hugged each of the dealers,

picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I

don't know - I thought you were watching."


MORAL OF THE STORY

Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb,

..... but all men...are men!

______________________________ ______________________________ _____________

Global Facts About Sex


At any given moment:


FACT: 79,000,000 people are having sex - right now.

FACT: 58,000,000 are kissing.

FACT: 37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex.

FACT: 1 old person is reading emails.



You hang in there, sunshine!
The Jewish Elbow, The Italian Grandfather & Th... (show quote)


Oy vey. All very good. Enjoyed them all.

Reply
Mar 7, 2018 15:47:05   #
bahmer
 
eagleye13 wrote:
The Jewish Elbow, The Italian Grandfather & The Irish Blond

1. The Jewish ELBOW

A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is

coming to visit with his wife.

"You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301 . There

is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will

buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with

your elbow, push 3. When you get out, I'm on the left.. With your elbow, hit

my doorbell."


"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my

elbow? ..........

"What . . . .. .. You're coming empty handed?"

______________________________ _________________

2. Wise Italian Grandfather


Why Italian Fathers and Grandfathers pass their handguns down through the

family.


An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, Guido, I

wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated ..38 revolver so

you will always remember me."


"But grandpa, I really don't like guns.. How about you leave me your Rolex

watch instead?"


"You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna

have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of

bambinos. "


"Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with

another man.

"Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, 'times up' "?

______________________________ ______________________________ _____________

3. Irish Blonde...


An attractive blonde from Cork , Ireland , arrived

at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty

thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice.


She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much

luckier when I'm completely nude." with that, she stripped from the neck

down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama

needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down

and squealed. "Yes! Yes! I won, I won!" She hugged each of the dealers,

picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I

don't know - I thought you were watching."


MORAL OF THE STORY

Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb,

..... but all men...are men!

______________________________ ______________________________ _____________

Global Facts About Sex


At any given moment:


FACT: 79,000,000 people are having sex - right now.

FACT: 58,000,000 are kissing.

FACT: 37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex.

FACT: 1 old person is reading emails.



You hang in there, sunshine!
The Jewish Elbow, The Italian Grandfather & Th... (show quote)


All good thanks.

Reply
If you want to reply, then register here. Registration is free and your account is created instantly, so you can post right away.
General Chit-Chat (non-political talk)
OnePoliticalPlaza.com - Forum
Copyright 2012-2024 IDF International Technologies, Inc.