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I was standing at the bar at the VFW one night minding my own business.
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Feb 19, 2018 21:30:13   #
PoppaGringo Loc: Muslim City, Mexifornia, B.R.
 
I was standing at the bar at the VFW one night minding my own business.

This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said, "You're kinda cute. You gotta phone number?"

I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?"

She said, "Yeah, I got a pen".

I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."

Cost me 6 stitches...but,

When you’re seventy...............who cares?

**********

I went to the drug store and told the clerk "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."

Lady Clerk: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?”

I said "Nah... She's purty good lookin'....."

When you’re seventy..............who cares?

***********

I was talking to a young woman in the VFW last night.

She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right.”

I said, “If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you.”

Cost me a fat lip, but...

When you’re seventy..............who cares?

**********

I was telling a woman in the Club about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her breasts.

"Really" she said, "Go on then... Try."

After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"

I said, "Yesterday."

Cost me a kick in the ass, but...

When you’re seventy...............who cares?

*********

I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.

The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

When you’re seventy...............who cares?

**********

I went to our VFW last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table.

I said, "Good legs."

The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"

I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

Cost me 6 more stitches, but...

When you’re seventy...............who cares?

"Count your life by smiles, not tears, count your age by friends, not years, and remember
We do not quit playing because we grow old.... We grow old because we quit playing"

Reply
Feb 19, 2018 21:35:43   #
peter11937 Loc: NYS
 
PoppaGringo wrote:
I was standing at the bar at the VFW one night minding my own business.

This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said, "You're kinda cute. You gotta phone number?"

I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?"

She said, "Yeah, I got a pen".

I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."

Cost me 6 stitches...but,

When you’re seventy...............who cares?

**********

I went to the drug store and told the clerk "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."

Lady Clerk: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?”

I said "Nah... She's purty good lookin'....."

When you’re seventy..............who cares?

***********

I was talking to a young woman in the VFW last night.

She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right.”

I said, “If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you.”

Cost me a fat lip, but...

When you’re seventy..............who cares?

**********

I was telling a woman in the Club about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her breasts.

"Really" she said, "Go on then... Try."

After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"

I said, "Yesterday."

Cost me a kick in the ass, but...

When you’re seventy...............who cares?

*********

I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.

The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

When you’re seventy...............who cares?

**********

I went to our VFW last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table.

I said, "Good legs."

The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"

I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

Cost me 6 more stitches, but...

When you’re seventy...............who cares?

"Count your life by smiles, not tears, count your age by friends, not years, and remember
We do not quit playing because we grow old.... We grow old because we quit playing"
I was standing at the bar at the VFW one night min... (show quote)


OK, I laughed.....

Reply
Feb 19, 2018 21:48:47   #
badbob85037
 
First time I got a laugh out of every joke in a list in a long time. Come on guys! Has politics got you where you can't laugh any more?

Reply
 
 
Feb 19, 2018 21:53:47   #
2bltap Loc: Move to the Mainland
 
PoppaGringo wrote:
I was standing at the bar at the VFW one night minding my own business.

This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said, "You're kinda cute. You gotta phone number?"

I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?"

She said, "Yeah, I got a pen".

I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."

Cost me 6 stitches...but,

When you’re seventy...............who cares?

**********

I went to the drug store and told the clerk "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."

Lady Clerk: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?”

I said "Nah... She's purty good lookin'....."

When you’re seventy..............who cares?

***********

I was talking to a young woman in the VFW last night.

She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right.”

I said, “If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you.”

Cost me a fat lip, but...

When you’re seventy..............who cares?

**********

I was telling a woman in the Club about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her breasts.

"Really" she said, "Go on then... Try."

After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"

I said, "Yesterday."

Cost me a kick in the ass, but...

When you’re seventy...............who cares?

*********

I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.

The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

When you’re seventy...............who cares?

**********

I went to our VFW last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table.

I said, "Good legs."

The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"

I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

Cost me 6 more stitches, but...

When you’re seventy...............who cares?

"Count your life by smiles, not tears, count your age by friends, not years, and remember
We do not quit playing because we grow old.... We grow old because we quit playing"
I was standing at the bar at the VFW one night min... (show quote)



Reply
Feb 19, 2018 21:55:28   #
Dr. Evil Loc: In Your Face
 
badbob85037 wrote:
First time I got a laugh out of every joke in a list in a long time.

All good, but the first one is perfect for here in the midwest😅

Reply
Feb 19, 2018 23:47:27   #
JimMe
 
PoppaGringo wrote:
I was standing at the bar at the VFW one night minding my own business.

This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said, "You're kinda cute. You gotta phone number?"

I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?"

She said, "Yeah, I got a pen".

I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."

Cost me 6 stitches...but,

When you’re seventy...............who cares?

**********

I went to the drug store and told the clerk "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."

Lady Clerk: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?”

I said "Nah... She's purty good lookin'....."

When you’re seventy..............who cares?

***********

I was talking to a young woman in the VFW last night.

She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right.”

I said, “If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you.”

Cost me a fat lip, but...

When you’re seventy..............who cares?

**********

I was telling a woman in the Club about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her breasts.

"Really" she said, "Go on then... Try."

After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"

I said, "Yesterday."

Cost me a kick in the ass, but...

When you’re seventy...............who cares?

*********

I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.

The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

When you’re seventy...............who cares?

**********

I went to our VFW last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table.

I said, "Good legs."

The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"

I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

Cost me 6 more stitches, but...

When you’re seventy...............who cares?

"Count your life by smiles, not tears, count your age by friends, not years, and remember
We do not quit playing because we grow old.... We grow old because we quit playing"
I was standing at the bar at the VFW one night min... (show quote)




Your humor reminds me of one of my favorite candies as a kid: "Chuckles"... 5 pieces of chewy sugar covered candy in 5 different colors and flavors... Good Stuff... TY TY TY...

Reply
Feb 20, 2018 07:54:22   #
slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas
 
PoppaGringo wrote:
I was standing at the bar at the VFW one night minding my own business.

This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said, "You're kinda cute. You gotta phone number?"

I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?"

She said, "Yeah, I got a pen".

I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."

Cost me 6 stitches...but,

When you’re seventy...............who cares?

**********

I went to the drug store and told the clerk "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."

Lady Clerk: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?”

I said "Nah... She's purty good lookin'....."

When you’re seventy..............who cares?

***********

I was talking to a young woman in the VFW last night.

She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right.”

I said, “If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you.”

Cost me a fat lip, but...

When you’re seventy..............who cares?

**********

I was telling a woman in the Club about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her breasts.

"Really" she said, "Go on then... Try."

After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"

I said, "Yesterday."

Cost me a kick in the ass, but...

When you’re seventy...............who cares?

*********

I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.

The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

When you’re seventy...............who cares?

**********

I went to our VFW last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table.

I said, "Good legs."

The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"

I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

Cost me 6 more stitches, but...

When you’re seventy...............who cares?

"Count your life by smiles, not tears, count your age by friends, not years, and remember
We do not quit playing because we grow old.... We grow old because we quit playing"
I was standing at the bar at the VFW one night min... (show quote)



Feel free to knock BB out of the front seat, Salty...you've earned it

As you know, I'm knocking on the door of 70 myself.

Reply
 
 
Feb 20, 2018 09:41:08   #
Mike Easterday
 
These were great !

Reply
Feb 20, 2018 09:42:30   #
lpnmajor Loc: Arkansas
 
PoppaGringo wrote:
I was standing at the bar at the VFW one night minding my own business.

This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said, "You're kinda cute. You gotta phone number?"

I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?"

She said, "Yeah, I got a pen".

I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."

Cost me 6 stitches...but,

When you’re seventy...............who cares?

**********

I went to the drug store and told the clerk "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."

Lady Clerk: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?”

I said "Nah... She's purty good lookin'....."

When you’re seventy..............who cares?

***********

I was talking to a young woman in the VFW last night.

She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right.”

I said, “If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you.”

Cost me a fat lip, but...

When you’re seventy..............who cares?

**********

I was telling a woman in the Club about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her breasts.

"Really" she said, "Go on then... Try."

After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"

I said, "Yesterday."

Cost me a kick in the ass, but...

When you’re seventy...............who cares?

*********

I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.

The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

When you’re seventy...............who cares?

**********

I went to our VFW last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table.

I said, "Good legs."

The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"

I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

Cost me 6 more stitches, but...

When you’re seventy...............who cares?

"Count your life by smiles, not tears, count your age by friends, not years, and remember
We do not quit playing because we grow old.... We grow old because we quit playing"
I was standing at the bar at the VFW one night min... (show quote)




My wife won't hardly go out in public with me, saying she never knows what's going to come out of my mouth. I figure I can say whatever's on my mind, it's someone else's problem if they don't like it. She said "You need to be more politically correct" and I answered "honey, if I was capable of being politically correct, I wouldn't have married a Democrat". That cost me a week in the camper but...............when you're old and crippled, who cares?

Reply
Feb 20, 2018 10:03:29   #
JimMe
 
lpnmajor wrote:


My wife won't hardly go out in public with me, saying she never knows what's going to come out of my mouth. I figure I can say whatever's on my mind, it's someone else's problem if they don't like it. She said "You need to be more politically correct" and I answered "honey, if I was capable of being politically correct, I wouldn't have married a Democrat". That cost me a week in the camper but...............when you're old and crippled, who cares?
img src="https://static.onepoliticalplaza.com/ima... (show quote)




lpnmajor... I think you should simply understand that your wife is being honest... A Dem supporter/voter can never know what's coming out of a GOP supporter's/voter's mouth... It's beyond their Lib Schooled Thinking... Her "politically correct" mindset has been programmed into her her entire life... She's more frustrated than you, thus she won't go out with you in public, whereas you will go out with her in public... In there lies the difference...

Reply
Feb 20, 2018 14:01:33   #
bahmer
 
PoppaGringo wrote:
I was standing at the bar at the VFW one night minding my own business.

This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said, "You're kinda cute. You gotta phone number?"

I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?"

She said, "Yeah, I got a pen".

I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."

Cost me 6 stitches...but,

When you’re seventy...............who cares?

**********

I went to the drug store and told the clerk "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."

Lady Clerk: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?”

I said "Nah... She's purty good lookin'....."

When you’re seventy..............who cares?

***********

I was talking to a young woman in the VFW last night.

She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right.”

I said, “If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you.”

Cost me a fat lip, but...

When you’re seventy..............who cares?

**********

I was telling a woman in the Club about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her breasts.

"Really" she said, "Go on then... Try."

After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"

I said, "Yesterday."

Cost me a kick in the ass, but...

When you’re seventy...............who cares?

*********

I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.

The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

When you’re seventy...............who cares?

**********

I went to our VFW last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table.

I said, "Good legs."

The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"

I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

Cost me 6 more stitches, but...

When you’re seventy...............who cares?

"Count your life by smiles, not tears, count your age by friends, not years, and remember
We do not quit playing because we grow old.... We grow old because we quit playing"
I was standing at the bar at the VFW one night min... (show quote)


I've seen them before but I still laughed at them thanks.

Reply
 
 
Feb 20, 2018 17:07:28   #
badbobby Loc: texas
 
PoppaGringo wrote:
I was standing at the bar at the VFW one night minding my own business.

This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said, "You're kinda cute. You gotta phone number?"

I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?"

She said, "Yeah, I got a pen".

I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."

Cost me 6 stitches...but,

When you’re seventy...............who cares?

**********

I went to the drug store and told the clerk "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."

Lady Clerk: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?”

I said "Nah... She's purty good lookin'....."

When you’re seventy..............who cares?

***********

I was talking to a young woman in the VFW last night.

She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right.”

I said, “If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you.”

Cost me a fat lip, but...

When you’re seventy..............who cares?

**********

I was telling a woman in the Club about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her breasts.

"Really" she said, "Go on then... Try."

After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"

I said, "Yesterday."

Cost me a kick in the ass, but...

When you’re seventy...............who cares?

*********

I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.

The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

When you’re seventy...............who cares?

**********

I went to our VFW last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table.

I said, "Good legs."

The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"

I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

Cost me 6 more stitches, but...

When you’re seventy...............who cares?

"Count your life by smiles, not tears, count your age by friends, not years, and remember
We do not quit playing because we grow old.... We grow old because we quit playing"
I was standing at the bar at the VFW one night min... (show quote)


and count your friends
who laugh at your jokes


move up two seats

Reply
Feb 20, 2018 17:12:27   #
badbobby Loc: texas
 
slatten49 wrote:


Feel free to knock BB out of the front seat, Salty...you've earned it

As you know, I'm knocking on the door of 70 myself.
img src="https://static.onepoliticalplaza.com/ima... (show quote)


no one has given you the power to remove any person
from any seat on this bus
It's my bus
and I will determine the seating arrangements
BTW
I'd throw you off the bus
but I like to laugh at your sick attempts at humor

Reply
Feb 20, 2018 17:15:34   #
badbobby Loc: texas
 
lpnmajor wrote:


My wife won't hardly go out in public with me, saying she never knows what's going to come out of my mouth. I figure I can say whatever's on my mind, it's someone else's problem if they don't like it. She said "You need to be more politically correct" and I answered "honey, if I was capable of being politically correct, I wouldn't have married a Democrat". That cost me a week in the camper but...............when you're old and crippled, who cares?
img src="https://static.onepoliticalplaza.com/ima... (show quote)


I'm with ya ,brother

Reply
Feb 21, 2018 00:52:44   #
The Rebel
 
PoppaGringo wrote:
I was standing at the bar at the VFW one night minding my own business.

This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said, "You're kinda cute. You gotta phone number?"

I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?"

She said, "Yeah, I got a pen".

I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."

Cost me 6 stitches...but,

When you’re seventy...............who cares?

**********

I went to the drug store and told the clerk "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."

Lady Clerk: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?”

I said "Nah... She's purty good lookin'....."

When you’re seventy..............who cares?

***********

I was talking to a young woman in the VFW last night.

She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right.”

I said, “If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you.”

Cost me a fat lip, but...

When you’re seventy..............who cares?

**********

I was telling a woman in the Club about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her breasts.

"Really" she said, "Go on then... Try."

After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"

I said, "Yesterday."

Cost me a kick in the ass, but...

When you’re seventy...............who cares?

*********

I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.

The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

When you’re seventy...............who cares?

**********

I went to our VFW last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table.

I said, "Good legs."

The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"

I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

Cost me 6 more stitches, but...

When you’re seventy...............who cares?

"Count your life by smiles, not tears, count your age by friends, not years, and remember
We do not quit playing because we grow old.... We grow old because we quit playing"
I was standing at the bar at the VFW one night min... (show quote)


You did good! But...........
CRIKIES!!! If that's what it's like for a male what happens to a female of the same age?

Reply
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