"The father of scientific socialism and an inspirational figure to many leading Democrats, Karl Marx has announced that he is resigning as a seminal thinker and is asking all his followers, especially women, to forgive him and forget his doctrine of class conflict and communist internationalism due to allegations of sexual abuse of his female aide and a criminal conspiracy to cover it up".
In a statement to the press, he said: "This decision is not about me. It's about the workers of the world. It's become clear that I can't both continue to deal with my history of sexual misconduct (some of which I remember differently) and at the same time remain an effective messianic leader of the oppressed in their struggle against capitalist exploitation."
A replacement has not yet been located, though a certain Russian politician named Leon Trotsky has been suggested.
http://www.frontpagemag.com/fpm/268677/karl-marx-resign-ditch-legacy-due-sexual-oleg-atbashian
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