pafret Loc: Northeast

"Opening the Channels of Communication: Dealing with Difficult People"


"Opening the Channels of Communication: Dealing with Difficult People"
by Madisyn Taylor, The DailyOM

"When dealing with a difficult person, try not to be judgmental or defensive in your conversation with them. We encounter a wide variety of people throughout our lives. Many of them touch us in some positive way. Occasionally, however, we encounter those individuals who, for whatever reason, can be difficult to deal with. Perhaps this person is a colleague or close friend that you feel is deliberately being obtuse, inviting in trouble, or doing foolish things that you find annoying. Sometimes, it may be possible to appease or avoid those people short term. Dealing with them in the long term, however, can be exhausting. The behavior of difficult people can even make you feel like losing your temper, but keep your cool. Staying calm is the first step, especially when you are ready to confront them.

Avoiding a difficult person can improve impossible and not in your best interest, especially if you live or work together. Likewise, attempts to steer clear of them can become a source of stress and anxiety when they are a part of your social circle. When this is the case, it is best to kindly address the problem. Try not to let their actions or mood affect you. You also may want to try expressing your feelings directly. Tell to the person how their actions make you feel and encourage them toward a more positive course of action. Speak assertively, but respectfully, and don’t portray yourself as a victim. Another approach for dealing with a difficult individual is to gain a deeper understanding of who that person is. Ask them why they do or say certain things. If you disagree with their motives, question them further so you can try and discover the root of their behaviors. In doing so, you may be able to gently shift their perceptions, or at least help them understand your point of view.

You may want to think about what you want to say to a difficult person before you actually talk to them. If you can, avoid being judgmental or defensive, and try to approach the conversation objectively. If the person is open to the idea, try coming to an agreement. If approaching them fails, let it go and move on. There is no reason to let a difficult person or situation have power over your state of being. Remember that a lot can be accomplished when you take the time to listen and offer up alternative perspectives."
- http://www.dailyom.com/

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

Excellent post, Pafet It would behoove all on OPP to read these words of advice.

lpnmajor Loc: Arkansas

What does it cost to agree, to avoid an argument that has little value? There are obviously times such a tactic is unsafe or even criminal, but those occur only rarely. Often, agreeing at the outset, can disarm a person long enough that they can actually HEAR your counterproposal. A case in point: A mental health patient had gotten the idea to take all his medication at once, instead of 4 times a day, which was dangerous and would eventually result in liver failure. This was explained to him repeatedly, but he just became more dogged in his assertion that his way was the best way. Then he was sent to me. When he arrived for his appointment, he was primed for warfare, because he figured I'd be another trying to modify his behavior. He was wrong...I agreed with him.

His surprise was total. "you agree with me?" he asked. "yep, I do" I replied, "whatever YOU choose to do is obviously best for you." He was stunned, which is exactly where I wanted him. I then told him I'd add a medication and he could take it with the other all at once, which would have the added benefit of killing him sooner and I could justify the medication under a "suicidal tendencies" diagnosis. He paused for a moment, then objected to being classed as suicidal. Once he realized that his medication protocol was killing him, and that I acknowledged his right to kill himself that way - he changed his mind, and decided to take his medication as directed.

A defensive person cannot be reasoned with, one has to let THEM change their minds when they're ready - and no one is ever ready in the middle of an argument.

Carol Kelly

Both are excellent posts. Thank you!