The Preacher And The Frog Princess
Apr 14, 2017 12:35:30 #
An old country preacher was fishing one afternoon when he noticed a frog sitting next to him.
The frog said, “Mister, I’ve had a spell cast on me. If you’ll kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess and I’ll make you happy for the rest of your life.”
The old preacher smiled, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. After a while, he looked into his pocket to see how the frog was doing.
The frog said again, “Mister, I’ve had a spell cast on me. If you’ll kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess and I’ll make you happy for the rest of your life.”
The preacher just smiled and kept on fishing.
When he checked on the frog again, it said, “What’s wrong with you, fella? I said I’ve been bewitched. Just kiss me and I’ll turn back into a beautiful princess and make you the happiest man on earth for the rest of your life!”
The old preacher just smiled and said, “Frog, I’m sorry to tell you this…but at my age, I’d rather have a talking frog than a beautiful princess!”
Ouch! That's gotta hurt!
The frog said, “Mister, I’ve had a spell cast on me. If you’ll kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess and I’ll make you happy for the rest of your life.”
The old preacher smiled, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. After a while, he looked into his pocket to see how the frog was doing.
The frog said again, “Mister, I’ve had a spell cast on me. If you’ll kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess and I’ll make you happy for the rest of your life.”
The preacher just smiled and kept on fishing.
When he checked on the frog again, it said, “What’s wrong with you, fella? I said I’ve been bewitched. Just kiss me and I’ll turn back into a beautiful princess and make you the happiest man on earth for the rest of your life!”
The old preacher just smiled and said, “Frog, I’m sorry to tell you this…but at my age, I’d rather have a talking frog than a beautiful princess!”
Ouch! That's gotta hurt!
Apr 14, 2017 12:39:03 #
And another 'corker'!
Lost at Sea?
Yossi and Janine, an elderly Jewish couple, are sitting together on an aeroplane flying to the Far East.
Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning, and this plane will be going down in a few minutes time. The good news is that I can see an island below us that should be able to accommodate our landing. The bad news is that this island appears to be uncharted - I am unable to find it on our maps. So the odds are that we will never be rescued and will have to live on the island for a very long time, if not for the rest of our lives."
Yossi turns to Janine and asks, "Janine, dear, did we turn off the oven?" and Janine replies, "Of course." "Janine, are our life insurance policies paid up?" "Of course." "Janine, did we pay our pledge for the synagogue appeal?" "Oh my God, I forgot to send off the cheque." "Oh, Thank Heaven! They'll find us for sure!"
(Drumroll, please....)
Lost at Sea?
Yossi and Janine, an elderly Jewish couple, are sitting together on an aeroplane flying to the Far East.
Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning, and this plane will be going down in a few minutes time. The good news is that I can see an island below us that should be able to accommodate our landing. The bad news is that this island appears to be uncharted - I am unable to find it on our maps. So the odds are that we will never be rescued and will have to live on the island for a very long time, if not for the rest of our lives."
Yossi turns to Janine and asks, "Janine, dear, did we turn off the oven?" and Janine replies, "Of course." "Janine, are our life insurance policies paid up?" "Of course." "Janine, did we pay our pledge for the synagogue appeal?" "Oh my God, I forgot to send off the cheque." "Oh, Thank Heaven! They'll find us for sure!"
(Drumroll, please....)
Apr 14, 2017 12:41:58 #
But wait! There's more!
Zen Sarcasm
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.
2 The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt or a leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn, so if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
9. If at first you don't succeed...Skydiving is not for you.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
Zen Sarcasm
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.
2 The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt or a leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn, so if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
9. If at first you don't succeed...Skydiving is not for you.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
Apr 14, 2017 12:47:20 #
Alright! Alright! Just one more:
Conversion Dilemma
A Jewish man goes and visits a Rabbi about a personal concern of his.
"Rabbi," he says, "I am so upset about my son, I don't know what to do. I raised him to be a good Jew, taught him the Torah, and instructed him about the Sabbath. Well, I just learned at this last Passover that he converted to Catholicism. Please tell me what I should do to reason with him"!
The Rabbi answers: "Funny you should mention this. The exact same thing happened to my son. I taught him everything I know to make him follow in my footsteps and become a good Rabbi like me, and the next thing I know, he converted to Catholicism and became a Priest! I truly don't know what to tell you; maybe we should ask Yahweh for some insights."
To two men started praying: "Yahweh, God almighty, Creator of the Universe, please come to our rescue. Our firstborn sons have converted to Catholicism! What should we do?"
A thundering voice responds: "WELL, TELL ME ABOUT IT!!"
Conversion Dilemma
A Jewish man goes and visits a Rabbi about a personal concern of his.
"Rabbi," he says, "I am so upset about my son, I don't know what to do. I raised him to be a good Jew, taught him the Torah, and instructed him about the Sabbath. Well, I just learned at this last Passover that he converted to Catholicism. Please tell me what I should do to reason with him"!
The Rabbi answers: "Funny you should mention this. The exact same thing happened to my son. I taught him everything I know to make him follow in my footsteps and become a good Rabbi like me, and the next thing I know, he converted to Catholicism and became a Priest! I truly don't know what to tell you; maybe we should ask Yahweh for some insights."
To two men started praying: "Yahweh, God almighty, Creator of the Universe, please come to our rescue. Our firstborn sons have converted to Catholicism! What should we do?"
A thundering voice responds: "WELL, TELL ME ABOUT IT!!"
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